Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize
