East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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