my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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