He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
