Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
