I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
