I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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