yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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