i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Randomize
