If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
