Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
