I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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