i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
