arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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