I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
