SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
