Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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