just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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