ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
