"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
