:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
