i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
