Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
