I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
