So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
