Princesses don't give blow jobs
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
