dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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