i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
