It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Randomize
