she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
