70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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