I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I need to wash the frat house off of me
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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