Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
