She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
