Rock
Scissors
Fuck
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
