i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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