Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
