So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
