I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
