thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She bit a glass in half.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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