oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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