im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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