jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I smell stomach acid.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
