I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You are the jesus of drinking
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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