so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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