I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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