Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
