ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
