6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
