I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Randomize
