I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
