I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
