My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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