yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
