Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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