My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
