I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
