I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So many bounce houses so little time
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
