This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
