Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
