and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
