oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Actions speak louder than pants.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Randomize
