His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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