ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
You smell like stripper and shame
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i will never coherently bang her
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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