he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I still have a little drunk in my system
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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