I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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