I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
