Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
