i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
