at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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