It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
