Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
