I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
