in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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