I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
