theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
