Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
