u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My liver just had a heart attack.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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